Experiences Parenting Wellbeing

Sometimes it IS Okay to Lie

What is a lie? It’s not quite the same as a surprise. It isn’t even an omission of fact. It’s something where we acknowledge and choose to say something other than the truth.

Lying is wrong. Inherently, we all know that. But when does it become okay, or even necessary, to tell a lie?

I’ve spent a week considering how to write this post, hence the delay. Should I be honest? Should I avoid triggers? Should I scrap the post altogether?

Bordering Bears has always been about honesty, even when it isn’t pleasant. For that reason, some of the content written below does have a trigger warning due to topics of self harm. Please be cautious and mindful of your current wellbeing when reading.

I try to be honest with most things I do. Generally, lies have a tendency to come back around and bite you in the bum. My name itself is even Latin for truth.

Yet, there comes a time where I absolutely have to lie. I hate it, but it’s for the greater good.

Some of you who know me, or who recognise this scenario, will know exactly what I’m talking about.

The question.

Mama… what’s that?

I tell her it was the cat, or where I was laying funny.

I lie.

What else do you tell a child?

Sorry kiddo, years ago Mama struggled with emotions and dealing with certain events so she carved up her skin and bled out her problems because she didn’t know how else to cope.

If you think I’m going to be honest with her, you’re wrong.

Sometimes it is fine to lie.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m completely aware that one day she will start questioning it. They don’t really look like cat scratches, or the weird lines you get on your skin from creased material.

One day, but not now.

For now, I want her to remain innocent. She knows Mama has something a bit wrong in her brain, but that it’s no big deal. I want her to keep that security right now.

Even if it never comes up in conversation, she will eventually grow up. She isn’t stupid. At some point she will realise what they are. Realise that her Mama, who she claims is awesome right now, actually had periods of severe weakness.

That led to periods of strength.

While I don’t tell the truth right now, I have considered what I want the take-away message to be when the time comes.

Mama may have turned to a blade to cope back then, but, for the most part, it was a means of coping, not an ending. Each scar shows a battle that was ultimately won.

Whenever Feena feels like she can’t do something, I tell her one thing.

While you still have breath in your lungs, you can try again.

It’s something I came to truly believe in over the years. Yes, my arms may have some scars, albeit not too bad, but I’m still here and pushing on.

For you, the person reading this, it is also an important message to remember. No matter what, do not give up. If that means you can’t be completely truthful right now, then maybe that’s alright, so long as you’re honest with yourself. What truly matters is that you keep looking for tomorrow.

The majority of people don’t like scars. Think of the postpartum body. Most people want to be rid of stretch marks or any other blemishes.

I have both.

Wear your scars with pride. All of them. Whether it’s from self harm, childbirth, an operation, or even when you scraped your knee as a kid, these are all marks which show you are alive and have survived some kind of event.

You don’t have to tell the world. You just have to live.

Ver

Ups and downs of being a Borderling, someone who struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder, along with anxiety, and pretends to fit into day to day life with a child and partner.

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4 Comments

  1. Ver, this is a beautiful read. You were right that it’s not a good thing to lie, but sometimes we do have to conceal the truth to protect those around us. And as you mentioned, so long as you are honest with yourself and keep moving forward, that’s all that matters! Thanks for sharing this!

    1. Ver says:

      Thank you very much Sara. We do need to protect others, as these aren’t always topics that are okay for general conversation. You never know how your discussion can affect others, child or otherwise, so being mindful is always good. x

  2. I’ve lied to my kids about this same topic. However both my kids now know that I was sick and I take medication for my “happy” juice. Kids deserve to be innocent for as long as possible. I hope you’re doing better or getting better help.

    1. Ver says:

      I agree Elizabeth. There’s plenty of time for them to learn about all the horrors of the world. For now, the only dilemma they should have is about spelling tests or which My Little Pony character is their ultimate favourite. I’m doing great thank you. No medical help, but I’m at a stage where it isn’t needed, thankfully. What about you? x

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